Closing in on 3 weeks here already, weirdly put that's about 1/4 of our trip. It feels like i got here a couple days ago still. i can't imagine leaving here and not coming back and working with Uganda in some way. Maybe it will be through adoption, work, opening up my own place. It's just exciting to feel like i at least know more clearly what i want to be doing with my degree in social work when i get finished school.
"we don't get to decide who God is. "God said to Moses. I am who I am" (Ex. 3:14). We don'tchnge that"
"God exists outside of time, and since we are within time, there is no way we will ever totally grasp that concept."
okay, these are two quotes out of the book "Crazy Love" my Mom got me for Christmas, and getting sick here finally made me pick it up and read it. I'd be lying if i said i was thrilled when my Mom bought me Christian literature for Christmas, but i'm glad she did. My mindset when i receive something of the sort is some sort of hidden agenda or message behind it; A sort of "hey kelsey, you've got a lot to work on". And i mean i know that but like most people, i definitely don't particularly get excited when i'm confronted about something or forced to reflect on what i need to change. I think it took me to get to Africa to finally ask myself why i was uncomfortable. And i think that's something overall i need to ask myself more, and maybe everyone should. Why do things get under our skin or make us flip the channel. is it difficult to see images from places like Uganda because we are comfortable in our ignorance, or because we ae scared of not being able to reason with why we are here and they are there. Even on much smaller scales, it's difficult to see a need, and realize that no matter what you are planning to do to help, you aren't even making the smallest dent in it all. I think all of the negative attitudes tied to the terms "Christians",or "The Church", come from us trying to put the creator of the universe in some sort of box. Trying to define, and claiming to know everything about God seems pretty silly to me. So we have this God, who exists beyond time. We can't even begin to grasp what that looks like, and for a lot of people that means writing even the idea of it off immediately. How can we believe something without concrete evidence? What if this is it, this is all there is? I think that is terrifying too. What has always stumped me, when i've thought through every reason i shouldn't believe in this God, or much less a Saviour. I always come back to the very beginning, the whole "matter can not be created or destroyed". and now, i know i've said this before, i've probably had this talk with you if we've ever gotten into any serious talking. So we have this universe, lots of other universes? with no idea where it all ends or how it all started? So gases and particles combusted to form a never ending space with universes, galaxies, planets, and an intricate planet we now live on and try to make sense of. Okay, but where did those "gasses" and "particles" come from? i think it's safe to say we have no explanation, and that something above our understanding started all of this. The idea of "Religion" and "The Church" have formed and still exist today, in the opinion of many to govern, create structure, and instill fear in societies. But what happened to a God that Loves? the, "we love because He first loved us". I don't think compassion or love is instinctual, not at all. I think it's a choice. I think the choice between selfish and selfless in every circumstance is an inner war we won't ever really conquer, but one that isn't fought without purpose or reason. Much of that we can't understand. God's plan. It would really scare me if the God who created everything ever didn't have a plan worked out and didn't know how things would end up for us. Obviously i don't have all this figured out, and i promise i wil never claim to. I will never be one of those "holier than thou" people, because i know where my faults are and i know i will always be working on myself.
This is a lot of what i was thinking about while i've been in bed sick. I've been seen by the nurse twice, and tested for malaria twice. BUT i ended up having strep throat? The nurse gave me antibiotics right away. I'll be able to get back to work by monday! i'm really excited. I think being sick has made me really excited to get back to work, and really value my health and being able to these kids.
-Kels
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