hands together, eyes closed

(and this is how the kids start every prayer here at Amani, before each meal and snack)



i have a purpose for this, hold on...










The other night, as i finished washing 23 little hands and one of the older toddlers started the prayer, i got stuck at the very begining, as she annouced loudly, "hands together, eyes closed". I thought to myself, "when do i ever do that". When do i ever close my eyes and just keep my hands folded in my lap? Figuratively of course. To really slow down and understand what is going on around me, rather than allowing my mind, my emotions to get first priority in how a situation or an interaction unfolds. I think i need more of that. To not think i can fix and control everything. To sometimes put my hands together, and close my eyes when i need to. To be okay with improvement, to be satisfied at the end of the day when you've done more good than bad. And realizing that any of that good wasn't really you. Not to dwell on the past and the mistakes that have been made, trying to justify or explain them away. But to understand the forgiveness that is offered, the grace, and the love. To fold your hands and let life happen when you can, because as in control as we can think we are at times, we really never are. Does that mean feeling a little crazy is warranted? Maybe. There will always be room for improvement. There will always be people who are worse off in whatever area. Love is real, and the real pure love isn't of this world. I think that's what i live for. To try and better understand this, and get better at loving selflessly, like You.

-Kels