Thursday, February 11, 2010

in the clarity of his grace, remember me



wash, Uganda style.




i'm leaving this video as a promise that i will update this, to let you know what this past week has been like. (the girls in my room decided that this was the theme of the next 3 months, kinda cheesy but whatever, makes sense clearly)

Alright here we go.

Almost closing in on the first two weeks here. Sometimes it feels like we've been living here forever and other times it seems as if we just arrived. I guess you catch on to some things very quickly and other things i hope never seem okay or normal to me. You get fast at changing cloth diapers after your first night of putting 13 toddler boys to bed. They eat dinner around 6:30 and around 7:00, 13 hyper 3-5 year old boys stream in one by one, after being bathed. I am lucky if i can dry them off and get a diaper/underwear on them before they are climbing up the sides of the bunkbeds, throwing clothes/diapers all over, or running outside. For the most part the toddler boys are completely loving, and fun to be around, but i think we decided that they transform once the sun goes down and it's time to go to sleep. If there is a Mama in the room with me they listen a bit better, while I do all the work of getting them ready for bed, the Mama's presence helps keep the boys in line. I am a Monitor for the Toddler/Preschool group, this means every other week I am with them the entire week. The off weeks i will be with the other kids, doing laundry, or helping with other various tasks around the compound. This week of toddlers went by so fast, i taught preschool every day. A few girls and a few boys are extremely attentive, and i can tell they really want to learn. Others stare off, and just have a hard time focusing on what we're working on. Go figure it's difficult to get preschoolers to pay attention and sit still! We are attempting to buy whiteboards when we go into Kampala this weekend, so we can start working on learning to write letters, their names, and eventually easy words. I'm not an education major to say the least, so i feel extremely inadequate to be teaching these kids, or trying to plan out any curriculum. But i guess it's a blessing that i did my internship/career study senior year with a kindergarten classroom.

When we are not inside helping out during meal/snack time, or teaching preschool, we are out in the front yard under the warm Ugandan sun. Mornings and afternoons with the kids consist of blowing bubbles, running around, singing, simon says, crawling on all fours pretending to be whatever animal i'm told we are that day, and pushing a tire swing packed to its full toddler capacity of course. I love getting to love these kids and be a kid at the same time. When we're outside it's almost 100% silly time. The second i sit down there are at least 4 kids pushing one another, and crying "auntie", because it's "their turn". N from toddlers is one of my favorites. (don't get me wrong, i love them all, but i can't lie, a couple of these kids in particular just make waking up at 6:30am not so bad). I took N into town the other day and bought him ice cream. We take a different kid out once a week, and this week it was N. I think it's the way N says "i love you" that really gets me. He'll come up to me smiling, saying "auntie" in his high pitched voice, and i'll hold him tight and whisper "auntie loves you". He pulls away fast, lights up and replies "SO MUCH", or "love you". I started saying "N auntie loves you SO MUCH",and now i will just say "auntie loves you", and he'll reply "SO MUCH". These are the little things that are so important for me to help you understand. So while i feel completely useless and trivial when i consider how little i am actually doing, and how much needs to be done. I just feel really lucky to see these kids light up when we love them.

I really wish you could be here to meet some of these kids, no actually ALL of these kids. But one little boy in particular. His name is M. I'm not sure if i talked about him yet but i'm going to now. He is HIV positive, and as a result, he has TB as well. It is really hard for him to breathe and he is very weak/frail. He can't play and keep up with the other kids so much, he takes a few steps and is already too tired to keep going so i pick him up. The other day before dinner, he was sitting on my lap outside as the other children went in to eat. He began to cry and i asked him what was wrong, thinking one of the other children hit him or had stolen his toy (that is the usual), but he was trying to tell me it was hurting him to breathe and he was crying because he was in pain. This little boy is so strong, and i started to tear up. I got myself together quickly so he wouldn't see me cry. He's already way stronger than i am, i couldn't let him see me cry. I sang to him and told him to lay his head on my shoulder, and just held him for a little. M is always so good, and he even tells the other toddler boys "listen to auntie" when all hell breaks loose at bed time. Every night when he walks in slowly and comes to me to get changed, i just think about how strong this little boy is to hold myself together. As i put his fragile body into his diaper and PJ's, and i help him stand back up, and i hug him gently, and tell him that i love him. i wish i knew the strength of this little boy.

I am glad that all of this is more real to me than it ever has been. I can't imagine going back home and not being involved with Uganda in some way. As i was hanging laundry on the line the one morning, the sun was beating down, there were chickens at my ankles, and herd of goats was stampeding down the dirt road in front, i thought how wildly different my way of life is here, and how i am completely okay with that. While i miss friends and family back home, I know time is going to fly by, and i am going to miss this place when i leave. Not going to think about that now, and just going to keep loving and learning from these kids, and the Ugandan people.

PS: Emails, Messages, and skyping has been so great. People who have taken the time to write me, and see how everything was going, Thank you. I've been really surprised by the people who have taken an interest in what's going on here, and I really enjoy hearing how things are going back home. It helps a lot at night when i'm missing everyone back in the states.

email: tub56099@temple.edu
skype: kelseyyynielsen

i wouldn't suggest actual letters, just because they can take a very long time/may not get here at all.

emails, fb messages, and skype dates are great :)

-Kels



if you have time, this made a lot of sense to me. kinda neat

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